Do you believe you control your own destiny? Or do external forces control your world? Is life happening to you, or are you happening to life?
These are questions I try to ask myself daily. Some days, I feel like I’m completely in control while other days, I slip and let life take me over. Even within a single day, there can be areas where I’m confident and areas where I step back.
It seems that the concept of control has been a big topic in 2020. I hear so many people wishing for the year to be over as though the flip of a calendar page will solve everything. 2020 has been a great year for my family and for me personally. Why? Because we made it great. Because we are in control of our year. There are forces beyond our control – maybe more so this year than usual – but, as my husband always says, we control our four walls.
This idea in psychology is called the locus of control. Some people have a strong internal locus of control meaning they believe they control their life, and some people have a strong external locus of control meaning they believe other people, chance, or circumstances determine destiny.
With an internal locus of control, you believe your actions can make measurable changes so that YOU are able to change (and hopefully improve) outcomes. You don’t fall victim to circumstance. Yes, there are things outside of your control, but ultimately, you believe wholeheartedly that you can work to control your own destiny.
So why does this matter?
Where you perceive control lies has big implications for your mental health, decision-making process, level of happiness, burnout rate, achievement, job effectiveness, and so on and so forth. It impacts everything.
If you believe you can’t control your life – an external locus of control – anxiety increases and happiness decreases. Without believing you can affect outcomes, all effort would seem futile.
If instead one believes he can change the outcome of a situation through his actions, studies have shown that he will be more confident, more healthy, more successful, and less stressed.
Can you change?
It was once thought that you were born with either an internal or external locus of control, but newer research is showing that may not be the case. It turns out parents play a big role in how a child’s locus of control develops. Encouraging independence and acknowledging the connection between actions and consequences can go a long way in developing an internal locus of control.
Even adults can effect change in their views by simply bringing more awareness to these ideas. If you find yourself blaming outside circumstances, crediting your successes to luck, or feeling hopeless in a difficult situation, pause. Take a step back, and remind yourself, “I can control my destiny.” It’s amazing what a difference this simple reminder can make. There’s never a point where you can’t create new mental pathways and change your view of the world around you and your place in it.
I bring this awareness by asking those questions above every day. Do you believe you control your own destiny? Or do external forces control your world? Is life happening to you, or are you happening to life? When I first started asking, I definitely answered that external forces were controlling me and life was happening to me. And there are still many days where that’s my answer. But slowly, slowly, I am finding control, and that realization sends ripples throughout all parts of my life. Awareness comes first, change second.
2020 may be a tough year, but it’s the one we have. We can either let it push us around, or we can find ways to allow ourselves to grow. We can stop living until 2021, or we can allow 2020 to teach us new ways to enjoy life. 2020 is not over, and it still has potential to be a great year if you make it so.
P.S. Working to change your locus of control as an adult can be HARD. We have very ingrained thought patterns and reactions. Case and point: earlier today, my husband asked about my blog, and I expressed frustration that I hadn’t had time this week to finish a post. Ten minutes later, that conversation replayed in my head, and I asked myself if I actually didn’t have the time or did I simply not make the time. It was definitely the latter – my actions created this outcome. But my external locus of control reared its head and let me fall victim to the circumstances of the week. It was certainly an exciting, hectic, and packed week, but in that replay, I didn’t like my answer. I can find the time if I want to. It is on me, not the whims of the week, to find the time. And, hey, I got this posted!!
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Great affirmation! One of my favorites is “It’s going to be an amazing day and there isn’t anything you can do about it!”